The Long Goodbye
by x-jordz
Summary: Sam has a secret. after his brother finds out, will he want the two to find their dad together? rated T for sexual references and a little bit of language. R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

The Long Goodbye

_A/N: a slightly different (all right! A really different) version of the first episode. More like the whole season but you know…_

_Dean finds something out about his little brother and after he does, will he want to go on this journey with him? _

_Thanks to my beta, Vanhelsing's Angel. She's done a great job with making sure it wasn't too OOC!_

_This is very OOC, okay? Just informing you so I don't get a flood of emails saying this story sucks big time._

_It took me a lot of courage to write this, seeing as I'm a hardcore Sammy Luva. I just want you to know I don't encourage the writers converting Sam to the dark side._

I know they say if you love somebody,

You should set them free,

But is sure is hard to do,

It sure is hard to do,

I know they say if they don't come back again,

Then it's meant to be,

But these words aren't pulling me through,

Cause I'm still I'm love with you,

I spend each day here waiting for a miracle,

But it's just you and me,

Going through the myth,

Climbing up a hill,

This is the long goodbye,

Somebody tell me why,

2 lovers in love can't make it,

just what kind of love keeps breaking our heart,

now matter how hard I try,

you're gonna make me cry,

come on baby it's over,

let's face it,

all that's happening here is the long goodbye,

sometimes I ask my heart if it really gave

love a chance,

but no without a doubt,

love turned it inside out,

and if we walked away it would make more sense,

but it tears me up inside,

just to think we still could try,

how long must we keep riding on this carousel?

Going round and round,

and never getting anywhere,

On a winded prayer,

This is the long goodbye,

Somebody tell me why,

2 lovers in love can't make it,

just what kind of love keeps breaking our heart,

now matter how hard I try,

you're gonna make me cry,

come on baby it's over,

let's face it,

what's happening here is the long goodbye,

This is the long goodbye,

Somebody tell me why,

2 lovers in love can't make it,

just what kind of love keeps breaking our heart,

now matter how hard I try,

you're gonna make me cry,

come on baby it's over,

let's face it,

what's happening here is the long goodbye,

Are you ever coming back again?

Are you ever coming back again?

Are you ever coming back again?

Dean shut the door of the impala, the familiar squeak reminding him that she'd always be there for him. He ran over to the other side of the road and stood in front of what he presumed to be Sam's humble abode. He knew Sam was living with someone, he just didn't know who.

The front door was open when he reached it, "doesn't he know anything?' Dean muttered and pushed the flimsy screen door open. He entered what looked like a kitchen, then accidentally tripped over a chair that had been left out. He swore loudly, then clamped a hand over his mouth. He thought he heard something at the other end of the house, but dismissed it.

In the blink of an eye he was fighting with someone on the floor. "Dean?" the figure asked cautiously and Dean stood up, "Sam?" he helped his little brother up and noticed how much he'd matured since he last saw him. "what are you doing here?" Sam asked and Dean gave him the famous lopsided smile, "just passing through. You know"

Sam raised an eyebrow, "Dean, on dad's orders you haven't spoken to me for 4 years. You didn't think you could just turn up and expect me to welcome you back into my life again, did you?" Dean shrugged, "maybe. But that's not why I'm here. Dad's gone missing" a light went on in the hallway and a sleepy looking guy stumbled out. "what's going on out here?" he asked, standing next to Sam.

The man looked from Sam to Dean, "is there something you're not telling me?" he asked Sam and without Dean's knowledge Sam took his hand and held it behind his back. "Jesse this is my brother, Dean. Dean, this is my flatmate Jesse." Jesse leant over to shake Dean's hand while still holding Sam's with the other. "Sam, I need to talk to you. Privately" Jesse let go of Sam's hand and started towards the bedroom.

"no. anything you have to say about dad you can say in front of Jesse" Dean sighed, "all right. Dad's missing" Sam gave him the look, "so what? Dad goes missing all the time. wait a day or two and he'll come back" Dean shifted slightly and played with the ring on his right hand, "Dad went on a hunting trip. He hasn't been home in a few days"

Sam immediately turned to Jesse, "could you excuse us for a few minutes? there are some things we need to discuss" Jesse left the room and took Dean down to the basement. "you know Dad and I aren't exactly peas in a pod. The last time I saw him was when he chucked me out!" Sam paced the length of the basement as Dean tried to reason with him,

"I really need your help Sammy. I can't do this on my own" Sam threw his arms up, ""you don't need me! Anyway, I have an interview on Monday" Dean couldn't believe what he was saying, "a job interview? You can't seriously be telling me that some job is more important than your own flesh and blood?" Sam gave in to his older brother, "fine, but we need to be back by Sunday night"

Dean nodded, "we can be back by then. Go get your stuff" Sam headed back up the stairs and into the bedroom. 'so you're going to look for your dad at 3 in the morning?" Jesse asked and Sam smiled softly, "yeah, I am" Jesse sat back down on the bed, "your brother doesn't know about us, does he?" Sam shook his head,

"I don't plan on him knowing anytime soon either" he finished shoving clothes into a bag and swung it over his shoulder, "I'm gonna miss you" Jesse stated and Sam leant in to kiss him, "I'll miss you too. Go back to sleep and I'll see you on Sunday" Jesse smiled and tapped him on the nose, "go get 'em tiger"

888THE LONG GOODBYE888

it was two hours after they set off that Dean actually attempted a conversation with his little brother, "so, how long have you and Jesse been together?" he asked and Sam turned his head sharply, "3 years. How did you…" Dean chuckled, "Sammy, I'm a hunter. When people put their hands behind their backs, I notice" there was a bit of silence then Dean snorted with laughter,

"what now?" Sammy exclaimed and Dean turned to him, "so you're his bitch!" Sam gave an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes. "you're playing your own team then?" Dean asked and Sam exploded at him like a raging fire, "this is why I never told you! I wouldn't be able to take all the homo jokes you threw at me! And the fact that I thought I wasn't ever going to see you again"

Dean was taken back by his brother's outburst. Sam wasn't one to throw spazzes, but something had definitely changed about him in the last 4 years. Dean pulled over and shifted so he was facing Sam. Sam sullenly stared out the window into the rain, "I have absolutely no problem with you batting for the other team, just don't take everything to heart!"

Sam hesitated, "so dad up and left you?" Dean responded by refusing to answer the question. "have it your way" Sam told him and leant back, sinking into the leather interior of the Impala.

A/N: soooo, what do you think? Please tell me in a review! Click the gay little button down there on your left –points to button- and yeah… you know what to do after that, I don't have to give directions.

TTFN,

JT xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: First Experiences

They arrived at the motel and Sam stayed in the car while Dean booked a room. Dean came back to the car holding a key and leant in through the window, "dad's been here. He's got a room booked out for the whole month" Sam stepped out of the car, "I hope your breaking in skills are still intact" Dean told him and Sam laughed, "of course! I learnt from the best"

He pulled a paperclip from his pocket and proceeded to unlock his father's motel room door. They inspected every inch of the room but found no evidence that he was actually there any more. The brothers then found their room and Dean stared at the one bed in the small space. "brilliant" he muttered and Sam patted him on the shoulder,

"it'll be fine. Almost every time we've gone hunting we've had to share a bed. this isn't any different" Dean gave him a look of uttermost displeasure, "all of those times we did, I'm pretty sure you were straight" Sam started to peel off the extra layers he had on, then pulled a pair of sweatpants out of his bag. "you take that side and I'll take this one' Sam instructed.

He climbed into the bed and pulled the thick quilt around him. Dean sighed and followed suit, "you stray over here and I swear to god I will carve out your heart with the knife I keep under my pillow" he threatened. Sam swatted him with a pillow, "shut up and go to sleep" he exclaimed and turned his back to Dean.

"you know, this is the first time I've ever been in the same bed as a gay guy." Dean joked and received a kick in the leg, numbing it. "there's a first time for everything" Sam grumbled. Dean leant over and turned off the light.

Dean woke the next morning to find a warm heavy object on his chest. "Sam, get the hell off of my chest!" he said loudly and Sam sleepily moved off of his brother. "sorry Dean" he said drowsily and turned over. "God, you had to make my dad m.i.a then tell me my brother likes playing with boys more than girls" Dean exclaimed to the roof. Sam reached over and with full force, slapped him across the chest.

Dean swore loudly. "I told you I wasn't going to tolerate any more homo jokes!" Sam said and got out of bed, then stalked off to the bathroom. "yeah, and I told you not to take things to heart so much!" Dean yelled after him. A brilliant start to another day.

The next 3 nights were the same. Dean would wake up and some body part of Sam's would be on him. He said the same thing every morning too. "Sammy. You're my brother and I love you, just not in that Brokebacky kind of way" Sammy would give him the bird and turn over, "get over it Dean"

Dean rolled his eyes, "you know Sammy; you opting for guys honestly doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would" he stated as he laced up his boots. Sam sighed, "Dean, just before I left for college you said that you hated gays. When I first decided on it that was what popped into my head. 'is my brother going to accept me?' I was worried for ages"

Dean turned to face him, "how could I not accept you? You share my DNA" Sam hesitated, "what if you'd only just met me? What if I was some stranger you'd just made friends with, then said I was gay. Would you accept me then?"

Dean returned to his boots, "I don't know. Probably not. If you were some stranger who'd just told me you were gay, probably not. But Sam, you know I have no problems with it! I could tell right away and if I was uncomfortable with you being gay we wouldn't be here right now!"

Dean was beginning to get frustrated, "this is all new to me Sammy! I've never had someone so close to me that's gay! It does freak me out a little bit!" Sam now sat cross legged on the bed next to him, "does that mean you can't fully accept me as a brother any more?" he asked and Dean noticed his voice tremble. "I don't know. Just give it time and we'll see"

He finally finished with his boots and stood up, then walked out the door and around the corner of the motel block. He slid down the side of the building and sat in the dust. He pulled out his phone and dialled the familiar number of John Winchester. The message he had heard so many times played again and the beep sounded.

"hey Dad. It's Dean again. This is a really twisted puzzle you've laid out for us here. Could you just call me and tell me you're all right? I dragged Sam away from college to help me on this wild goose chase and it's been hard between us. We just want to know you're ok" he hung up and closed his phone.

Dean couldn't stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks, nobody could.

888THE LONG GOODBYE888

after a while Sam came out to look for his older brother. He hadn't taken the car so Sam knew Dean had to be around the motel somewhere. He noticed footprints in the dirt leading around the back of the motel block. Dean was sitting up against the wall, his head in his hands. "you're not very good at covering your tracks" Sam told him and sat down as well.

"I didn't mean what I said before" Dean told him and Sam spread his lanky legs out in front of him, "I don't really mind whether you accept me up here" he paused to tap Dean's forehead, "it's whether you accept me in here" he poked Dean in the chest. "Sammy, you already know I love you. You're one of the most valuable things in my life. any time you need that thought refreshed, come and see me"

Sam played with a rock, "I really missed you when I was at college." He hesitantly placed his head on Dean's shoulder and was surprised when his brother didn't nudge him off. "I can imagine it's hard being a homophobic and having a gay brother. Trust me, it's hard being gay and knowing your brother will never look at you the same way he did before"

Dean smiled into the sunlight glaring down on them. this was the side of his brother he didn't know that well, but could get to like.

"you know what I'm worried about?" Sam continued, breaking Sam out of his train of thought. "what's that?" Dean asked vacantly and Sam removed his head and continued to play with the rock, "Dad. I seriously think he'll just chuck me out again. He never approved of anything I did and this'll just make it so much worse"

Dean could see where his brother was coming from. John Winchester wasn't the most accepting man and had a very closed mind. This wasn't to go down well.

_A/N: I got over my addiction of putting an author note at the start! Aren't you all proud of me? Tell me what you think! Press the button or I swear to god… omg that's a Supernatural line! _

_Dean: you let him go or I swear to God…_

_Possessed John: what? What are you and God going to do to me?_

_-happily keeps on reciting lines-_

_again, thanks to my beta, Vanhelsing's angel. Mmm, Mr Bryans._


End file.
